dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
