oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
