What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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