Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
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She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
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No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize