This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
