you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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