I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
