me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I want a musical about memes.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
