Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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