oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The air was thick with penises
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
