I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
