I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
