She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I wish you could order shots online.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
