oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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