Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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