Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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