After last night, I could never be a politician.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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