I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
