I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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