I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
