I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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