Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
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