I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
