Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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