i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
