Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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