They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
