I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
