I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The Olympian is in my bed
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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