i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
