I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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