So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
