i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
