I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He better not be in your backpack
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
