i always forget guys have bellybuttons
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
