matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
