someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
