That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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