I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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