U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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