Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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