yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
