Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
