I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
