Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
