Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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