You really coming over, don't trick.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
