u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
