I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
