My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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