Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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