weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
