It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
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Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
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Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize