:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
