Taylor Swift is so right about you.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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