I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize