time to smoke my breakfast
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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