Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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