I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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