her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
