I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
