He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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