Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
