Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
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Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
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So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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