Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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