i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
