he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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