The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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